Plan B ?

 "The only thing you do control is how you respond to your disappointments and your unexpected obstacles."  Plan B: What Do You Do When God Doesn't Show Up the Way You Thought He Would? by Pete Wilson.

 On Friday, May 24th, at 7:30 in the morning I went for the MRI on my right foot.  It took about 30 minutes and I had a good conversation during that time with the MRI tech. She has a brother who recently completed his BA in Nursing and another brother who finished his Pharmacy Degree. They are both looking for employment ... I promised to pray that job offers would be forthcoming for them soon.

Today, May 30th, was my appointment with the Podiatrist to learn the MRI results. My appointment was scheduled for 9:30 am. I took my Kindle so that I could read while I waited. I had the pleasure of reading for 45 minutes which sure beats the alternative of looking at the clock and losing patience.  What was I reading?  Plan B: What Do You Do When God Doesn't Show Up the Way You Thought He Would? by Pete Wilson.

The findings:  1) moderate to high grade active plantar fasciitis, 2) attenuation of the medial aspect of the second MTP plantar plate with questionable small partial tear. 

It's No. 2 that ends my dream of a planned thru-hike of the Appalachian Trail in 2013.

For those who like the details:

The treatment:  Rest

Follow Up:  Return in 6 weeks. My appointment is July 11th. 

I told the doctor I didn't have a Plan B. His reply - "The Appalachian Trail will always be there; it isn't going anywhere." 

So, what now?  I have accepted the situation. "Acceptance takes you out of resistance. It is not giving up. Acceptance is not resignation. 'It's getting clear about what the reality is, to allow the moment to be without any resistance whatsoever,' says Martha Beck. (Imperfect Spirituality: Extraordinary Enlightenment for Ordinary People by Polly Campbell). Psychologist, Carl Jung, said "What you resist, persists. But acceptance is freedom."

Polly Campbell writes "When you don't accept things as they are, you are pushing up against the Universe, trying to unravel what's done, wishing away what already is. This is exhausting and it makes no sense. To make choices from this place is akin to buying a pair of jeans you've never seen; who would do that?"

"Optimalists shift, adapt, change their goal if necessary, but they keep going. They persevere because instead of being stymied by the setbacks, they deal with them. They hope for the best, know the worst is a possibility, and then they work with whatever appears." (Imperfect Spirituality: Extraordinary Enlightenment for Ordinary People by Polly Campbell). So, I am choosing to work with my current situation.
  
The Appalachian Trail journey removed 15 lbs. of fat from my post-menopausal body and for that I am immensely thankful and grateful. I asked the doctor what I could do exercise wise because I'd like to keep the present status quo. I'll be going to the gym for upper body weight work and some lower body weight work and hopping on the exercise bike. Spinning classes can be great calorie burners and aerobically challenging so I'll see what's offered at the gym. I'll be riding my mountain bike around town with G-4 too. Being outdoors is my cup of tea.

As I pedal and huff and puff and wait on healing, I'll think about the mountains and balds I have climbed, the wonderful people I met on and along the Appalachian Trail, as well as the beauty of it all. I'll probably re-read the guest book entries and emails, offers of prayer and encouragement from people I've never met and from those I know. Unless you have been a recipient of such support, you'll never understand what those have meant to me. I'll shed some tears and continue to seek God's will for my life knowing that whatever He permits is for my good.

Pete Wilson writes "People automatically assume if they're going through a Plan B crisis they must have misunderstood or reinterpreted God's will. There is no magical equation. It's often a matter of trial and error. Sometimes we get it all wrong. Sometimes we have no clue whether we're getting it right until much later." He says "knowing God's personal will for our life, knowing his specific will for your life, is not a science."

Mr. Wilson recounts the story from Acts 16 and Paul's intended trip to Asia which did not work out. Paul was "kept by the Holy Spirit from preaching in the province of Asia. Did Paul get it wrong? He ends up in Troas and doesn't know what's next. He doesn't know the what, when, and where but he he does know his purpose, his mission -- to bring glory to God with his life."  

"God's will: it's as much about the person we're becoming as it is about where we're going."

Erwin McManus said "The process of becoming the person God wants us to become usually doesn't come from success, success, success. It's loss, success, failure, success, heartbreak, success, disappointment, success."

I won't be climbing Katahdin at the end of a thru-hike this year but I hope that I can continue to grow in bringing glory to God with my life wherever He leads me.

I give you thanks and praise, Lord, for this precious journey on the Appalachian Trail and all who you have brought into my life because of it. I love you.

Transition

"I simply could not hike the trail without the help and protection of God. Some days I must have fallen a dozen times. Without those falls, I could have developed an unbearable pride in my own abilities."  Blind Courage by Bill Irwin



When I began to journal and blog about hiking the Appalachian Trail, I promised that I would keep my readers informed as expeditiously as possible.  This past week since returning home, I have been silent because there was nothing much to report. I saw my primary care doctor who took x-rays of my knee and foot.  The knee remains a little swollen from the fall on May 7th with retention of fluid; the foot showed no stress fracture but my right foot looks a little different from my left (the 4th toe is separated and I can't bend my toes on that foot).

I've been taking  Aleve, elevating and icing and resting. Yesterday, the podiatrist examined my foot and also looked for a stress fracture. If my insurance allows, I will have an MRI.  Stress fractures can be difficult to see early on. 

It's been a strange transition to go from walking 10-14 miles a day on the Appalachian Trail, following the white blazes to sitting/laying on the couch inside my home and walking as little as possible. There are no white blazes in my home.  So, what have I been doing to pass the time? I've been looking at the pictures and videos I have taken on the traiI. At some point I want to make a slide show/video set to music. I have been following blogs and trail journals of people I have met on the trail and praying for them. I have watched some television in the evening. I have been reading two books -- Hinds' Feet on High Places Devotional  (The Original and Complete Allegory with Devotional) by Darien B. Cooper and Imperfect Spirituality: Extraordinary Enlightenment for Ordinary People by Polly Campbell.  In a way the books compliment one another. Both speak to me about my present "sidelined" situation. They have become white blazes. God has marked this trail for me too; His blazes are in the Bible as well as in the books.

Polly Campbell uses the story below in the introduction to her book. I wonder how God might be using my idleness as I wait for my foot and knee to heal? Like the pot, I am broken.

The Broken Pot 
 
A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on an end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the masters house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. 

For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water in his masters house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do. After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. 

"I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you."  "Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?"  "I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your masters house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts." the pot said. 

The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the masters house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path." Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again the Pot apologized to the bearer for its failure. 
 
The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pots side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my masters table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house." 

Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots. But if we will allow it, the Lord will use our flaws to grace His Father's table. In Gods great economy, nothing goes to waste. Don't be afraid of your flaws. 

Acknowledge them, and you too can be the cause of beauty. Know that in our weakness your strength is made perfect. (2 Corinthians 12:9) 

In the days ahead, as I continue to wait on the Lord, wait on the MRI and for my body to heal, I'll share reflections that have nourished my spirit from both books. I don't know what the future holds for me concerning the Appalachian Trail but God knows and I am content to wait on the Lord.

I Listened on May 13

C.S. Lewis said, “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pain: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”  I listened.

 

On Monday morning we filled our plates full of the delicious breakfast at Mountain Harbour B&B and Hostel prepared with the loving hands of Mary.  We sat with a couple from Florida (High Tide and Blockade Runner) who are thru-hiking and are probably a few years or so younger. They had the room across from us in the B&B.  Nick was surprised to see the “older” hikers present at breakfast; there were several.  I guess he thought I was the only one out there. 

 

I recognized a woman I had followed on Trail Journals before I began my hike; her start date was after me and  her trail name is Clinker. I told her I had read her journal and I enjoyed a brief conversation with her.

About 8:45 am Terry drove me to USFS Rd. 293.  Nick rode along in the truck to check out what a forest service road looks like in anticipation of driving me down one of them and dropping me off later in the week. I headed North on the trail a little after 9 am.  The morning was cool and the sun had not yet broken through the clouds. The trail was not as wet as I had expected but there were still many areas of black, boot-sucking mud but I could see ways to avoid it and managed not to get sucked in ! The stream crossings were not overflowing higher than the rocks to step on and I kept my shoes dry. 

I passed a campsite and a woman commented that she could see I was carrying “a pack that would take me to Maine.” I laughed (I had a small daypack) and said “Maine was my intent but I was slackpacking.” 

As I walked, I wondered if Nick would have difficulty finding Dennis Cove Road where he would park the car and then walk back South to meet me on the trail. I wondered if he would know which direction was South at the trail head and hoped he would not hike North. He hates to get his shoes dirty and I hoped the part of the trail he would walk would not be too wet and he could avoid the mud. We were going to spend a couple nights at a cottage at Black Bear Resort not too far from the AT so that I could slackpack. About 7 miles in for me, I met Nick. We hiked together for about 3 miles except that he walks faster than me so most of the time he was ahead of me.  

About the 8 mile mark I could not ignore the painful right foot and left knee. They both began hurting shortly after the start of the day.  Sometimes when I just ignore little aches, they go away after a short time. It can take older bodies longer to warm up muscles and to get going. Not so - this time. 

I started thinking about the fall on May 7^th; my left knee took a direct hit when I went down. I experienced a good deal of swelling afterwards but no bruising. It remained a little stiff and there was still some swelling on the lateral side but nothing major. But on Monday, there was pain with each step. For the most part the trail was gentle – no major elevation changes and not many rocks and roots. My right foot had been swelling some off and on for a week or two. I could massage the foot and relieve some of the swelling.  I could feel the tightness in my shoe and could see the difference when I compared it to my left foot but it did not hamper my ability to walk. On Monday, it ached with each step.  

My plan for the week involved the 10.8 mile day followed by 12.8, 16.6, 6.5 and 14.7 mile days with arrival in Damascus, Va. on Friday for Trail Days. Pain can be exhausting and I was exhausted and discouraged. This 10.8 mile day should have been a piece of cake for me but I was struggling. There was no way I could continue to pursue my plan for the week when with each step my left knee and right foot objected…

I put off telling Nick about my knee and foot.  He was walking quickly and I could not. He was enjoying the trail and it was wonderful to see him experience the goodness, the joy and the beauty of the Appalachian Trail. The terrain included woods, streams, a few views of distant peaks, wildflowers, new leaves budding forth as well as trees in flower, blue sky and clouds, an old barn, a meadow abloom in yellow flowers. 

I cried a little as I thought about the Appalachian Trail , the people I had met, the experiences.  I took pictures (maybe the last ones). Would this 10.8 mile section of the trail be the last I would walk? I wanted to soak it all in. The beauty, the ruggedness, the sameness, the trials, the joys and blessings embraced me.

 

Nick stopped to wait for me to catch up with about a mile to go and I told him how difficult the day had been for me. He said there was no way I could finish the week. I asked if he would take a picture of me at the last white blaze before we reached the car at Dennis Cove Road and he did. I tried to smile. Mile 416.5 on the Appalachian Trail.

"I will be still know you are God ... in quietness and trust"

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thess. 5:18

"O Lord, Jesus, Lover of my soul, You and only You understand the inner craving of my being. Thank You for loving me, never leaving me, and caring about every detail of my life. Help me to begin each day with a thankful spirit, until I can do so as a way of life. Let me never be found resisting what You are birthing or bringing forth in me. I love You and want to love You even more." -- Hinds' Feet On High Places Devotional by Darien B. Cooper

"One of life's strategic keys is learning to embrace what our Lord brings into our lives with thanksgiving. When we do so, we recognize His sovereign control and completely yield ourselves to Him. He will never waste our sorrows. On the contrary, He turns them into precious jewels! As for our suffering, He uses it to birth beautiful new things into our lives. So if we keep these things in mind, it makes the pain more bearable and it seems less senseless." Chapter 6 - Detour Through The Desert of Hinds' Feet On High Places Devotional by Darien B. Cooper.

The Wind, The Holy Spirit and the Appalachian Trail

I’ve been home a few days and I’m happy to be here.  It is comfortable and clean. I sleep well in our bed.  The carpet is so soft and I don’t need to wear shoes. There is no danger of slipping on rocks, roots, or mud and falling. The roof over my head will protect me from wind and rain. I can turn on the faucet for water to drink and I don’t have to look at my map for water sources or use a purifier.  I don’t have to use a composting privy or dig a cat hole.  One simple flush after sitting on a clean toilet seat takes care of it. I can take a bath or shower whenever I desire and put on clean clothes because I have access to a washer and dryer.  When it gets dark, I don’t have to wear my headlamp. Oh, the comforts of home !  I don’t take them for granted any more.  BUT my mind continues to think about the Appalachian Trail.

When I was in the midst of the tempest on May 5^th  in the violent wind, I thought about the Apostles in the upper room as they waited and prayed for the Holy Spirit.  “Suddenly, a sound like the roar of a mighty windstorm came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting.” Acts 2:2    

Jesus had promised that He would send the Holy Spirit after He left them and returned to the Father. "If you love me, keep my commands. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you." John 14:15-17.  

 In 1990 I visited Israel and prayed in the Upper Room where the Apostles waited and prayed. I doubt that I will ever forget the sound of the mighty windstorm as I walked from Overmountain Shelter over Little Hump Mountain, Bradley Gap, Hump Mountain and through Doll Flats. Its force was incredible and frightening. I expect the Apostles and the others gathered in the Upper Room were frightened – they were inside a building and the sound entered the room as if they were outside in the elements. I will also never forget when the Holy Spirit was released in my life.  

I received the Holy Spirit at my baptism when I was just a few weeks old. The Spirit was in my life leading me quietly through my childhood and I did know it. In fifth grade, I studied about the Holy Spirit and prepared for the Sacrament of Confirmation. When the Bishop anointed me with Holy Oil and prayed for the Holy Spirit to be released in my life, I didn't experience anything out of the ordinary but the Holy Spirit's seal on my life was strengthened. In 1987 after a healing Mass when I went up to a prayer team for prayer, it was with a gentle touch that I rested in the Holy Spirit and was filled with incredible joy and peace. The experience was a gateway to growth in the Holy Spirit and my life has been truly enriched because I know the Holy Spirit lives in me.

I found the article below today; it was written for children and I like it because Jesus said:

“Truly, I say to you, unless you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”—Matthew 18:3-4

How Is The Wind Like The Holy Spirit ?

   by Dr. Donald B. DeYoung

This question brings to mind John 3-8:

The wind blows wherever it pleases.
You hear its sound, but cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going.
So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.

The word spirit in both Hebrew and Greek means “breath” or “wind.” Both a breath of air and a breeze are appropriate images for the Holy Spirit.
Consider several properties of the wind.

Maple trees depend on the wind to blow their seeds to new places where they can grow new trees.


Hot air balloons go wherever the wind takes them.

1. Wind is moving air, and this fresh air is needed continually for life itself. Even seeds often require wind for their dispersal and subsequent growth. Similarly, the Holy Spirit is the presence of God, the source for all life.
   
   
2. Wind has no material shape or form. It is invisible; we cannot see the source or the destination of wind. It is a mysterious, unseen force. Nevertheless, its presence is known by its effects.
   Likewise, the unseen Holy Spirit can be experienced in a refreshing way. His presence is displayed in the work he does in human lives by transforming, sanctifying, encouraging, and teaching.
   
3. Wind is a powerful force. It cannot be stopped or controlled by people. Likewise, the Holy Spirit is not subject to human control. The moving of the Holy Spirit is God at work.
   
   
4. There is great variety in the wind. It may be a soft whisper gently rustling the leaves on the trees, or it may be a hurricane uprooting trees.
   
   Likewise, the Holy Spirit may gently bring a person to Christ such as a little child raised in a Christian home, or he may work in some climactic, dramatic way to bring conviction and conversion to the hardened sinner.
   
   In Acts 16 contrast Lydia whose heart the Lord opened (verse 14) and the jailer who needed an earthquake to jar him to his spiritual sense (verse 30). In both cases, the Holy Spirit did the regenerating work.
   
   See how the Holy Spirit first came to Jesus Christ's followers as a rushing wind. The Holy Spirit Comes to the Apostles  
   
   
   
   Oftentimes the Holy Spirit comes to me quietly. I don't hear a voice but the Spirit inhabits my thoughts. Sometimes I hear the Spirit through other people or during prayer. I have heard the Holy Spirit through words of encouragement from Trail Journals, emails and through comments on facebook and this blog.
   
   Pentecost Sunday is May 19th and I hope to celebrate the birthday of the Church in Abingdon, Virginia, at Christ the King Catholic Church. My husband is taking me back to Roan Mountain, TN this weekend and he will be my shuttle as I slack pack from USFS 293 to Damascus. The respiratory virus that I picked up just before Erwin, TN lingers and his assistance will help me to continue to recover and hike. I don't know what the future holds for me and the Appalachian Trail after Damascus but I pray that the Holy Spirit will continue to lead me and guide me and reveal to me His desire and plan for the journey.
   
   
   

The Tempest

"What is it that makes this whole experience so hard, I wonder. Perhaps it is being so tired most of the time and having to deal with so many details: food, water, bodily aches and pains, keeping clothes dry, keeping warm, staying healthy, being organized and always being alert for weather changes, uncertainty, and the unexpected." - In Beauty May She Walk by Leslie Mass

May 4 and May 5 were two of the most difficult days on the Appalachian Trail and of my life. I have written about the experiences on my journal site.    PrayerWalker's Trail Journal

Thank you to everyone who continues to pray for me.  Your prayers helped me to continue to walk in conditions that were most difficult. 

Relaxation - Wed. May 1

Slept well last night. The cough pill did its job. Woke up when the 4 AM train went through Erwin. Several trains pass through each day.

Holiday Inn serves a good breakfast and I saw Tex, the retired chemical engineer from Houston, TX. He hiked out today with his buddy.

After breakfast I asked the woman at the desk about a pharmacy that I could walk to for Sudafed. She gave me shuttle info. I went to the computer to work on my journal. When she finished her shift , she came up to me and said she was going to Walmart and she would take me and bring me back to the hotel. Incredible. What a sweet trail angel. Her name is Kathy and I really enjoyed talking with her during the drive to and from. We are the same age and both went to work in D C after high school graduation. I am amazed that God continues to inspire people to help me. Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Kathy, for your kindness.

I am feeling better and will slack pack (take only food, water and maybe rain jacket). I will be driven North by a shuttle driver and I will walk back to Erwin to spend another night at the hotel.